All I Ever Needed All I Ever Had
by Peyton23
Summary: Bella Swan was portrayed as the crazy girl with no family. A social outcast. And then the Cullens come along and change everything. All she wants is someone to love and a family. Love and a family is all Edward has to give.A/H, a little OOC.E/B.R&R please
1. Chapter 1

I'm alone. I'm sitting, staring at the T.V screen watching Christmas re-runs. Had I always been this lonely? I look down and finish the rest of my hot chocolate. It was time to open presents.

"Mom, Dad, these are for you." I say. I pretend to give the two gifts to them and wait awhile, picturing their faces. And then I'm tired of waiting for something that's not going to happen, and I tear them open myself.

"I'm glad you like them. Dad, I thought this fishing package would be perfect for you and Mom, I thought this bracelet would look beautiful on you." I respond to them as if they had said anything in the first place.

I grab the last present under the bare Christmas tree.

"Isabella, this is for you. We hope you like it honey." I mimic my mother's voice. I rip the wrapping paper and try to act surprised.

"Wow! Mom, Dad I love it! New reading material is just what I needed! I love you guys." I sit there for a while. I'm not sure how long. Minutes or hours; they both blended into one.

And then I snap back into reality like I always do and try to picture myself as someone looking in on me. What would they find?

I look around the room. I guess, to an onlooker, they'd think I was crazy. I'm sitting here in my living room on Christmas day, and handing out presents to no one. I look into my parents faces. Even though they're smiling, they look detached and cold. I always hated these pictures of them. I pick them off the floor and put them back in the cabinet. I clean up and finish my homework. And I act like nothing happened.

Because to face reality would be to break the little composure I had left. I didn't want to face the facts. But they were all I had.

My name is Isabella Swan. Bella for short.

Everyone in this town thinks I'm crazy. They don't know the truth.

I don't want them to know the truth.

I have no family.

It's Christmas. And I'm alone.

I don't know how longer I can hold on.

I'm breaking and soon…very soon…there will be nothing left of me.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I only own the plot.

BPOV: Week After Christmas Break.

I used to love mornings. The smell of coffee, bacon, sausage and toast swirling in the air. The sound of my mother singing to some old 80's song on the radio and the crinkling of my father's newspaper. Mornings were my favourite part of the day. Now they're the hardest. The sun is out today; a rare occurrence I plan to take advantage of. It's not like I have anything better to do. I wake up and my bed is still warm and comforting. I open the curtains, look at the sun rise and smile. It's a sad smile but a smile nonetheless. And then I walk downstairs and the smile fades. The smells of breakfast are no longer here, the radio is turned off and the newspaper sits on the counter, unread. I shove a granola bar in my pocket and head out. There's nothing and no one I can say goodbye to. I leave without a single look back.

When I get to school the energy is different. Everyone is whispering, pointing and fixing their hair, make-up and smoothing out their clothes. I look around and wonder what's going on. I wouldn't dare ask anyone. No one would tell me anyway. I make my way past _them_. Jessica, Lauren and their followers. I'm surprised they've found something better to whisper about than me.

"Did you see them?" Jessica whispered and twirled her hair around her finger.

"Yes! Have you seen their cars? Their Dad's bringing in some big money." One girl said.

"I'm pretty sure their parents are as gorgeous as them." Lauren said. They all giggled again and kept talking. I rolled my eyes and kept walking into school. Looks like there are some new kids in town. I hope they aren't private people. Privacy is the last thing you can get around here. I went along with my school routine and soon, it was my last subject until lunch; English. It wasn't that exciting, a report on Romeo and Juliet was assigned and more whispering about 'them' pursued. Finally the bell rang and it was lunch.

I was surprised when only a few kids looked at me when I entered the cafeteria. Usually it was the whole student body. I paid for my things and scurried my way to a table in the corner. I sat down and unwrapped my sandwich. It was then that I saw _them_. They were sitting at a table in front of the windows and picking at their lunches. The whispers of beauty that they had did no justice to the real thing. They were the most beautiful people I had seen in my life. Even that was an understatement. They were all talking together and laughing…all except one. He was the most captivating out of them all. His messed up auburn hair glinted in the sun and you could lose yourself in his green eyes. And then, those green eyes met my brown ones and I couldn't look away. Because he looked at me like I was a real person. No signs of fear or disgust were shown; only curiosity. He must not have heard about me yet. And then I turned my head and looked down at my lunch, because I couldn't get used to being looked like that. And I couldn't get used to him looking at me like that. Because soon, he would be just like the others. I would be the mere blip on his radar that once interested him. And then he wouldn't think of me in a good light ever again.

The bell rang and everyone stood up to go to their classes. I threw out my garbage and made my way to biology. Biology, like all my other classes, was one where I sat alone. I didn't mind it. I preferred it actually. No one to bother me while I worked, no one to whisper questions in my ear when the teacher was talking, and no one to try and dig into my personal life; my history. I guess I was so used to the loneliness that I actually welcomed it now.

My table was in the far left side of the classroom, right beside the window. I sat down and pulled out my things. And then I started to doodle. The chair scraping on the floor beside me woke me out of my trance. I looked up and sure enough it was _him_. His eyes were just like the last time I saw them; open, trusting and full of curiosity. And I hated them.

"Hello." He said as he sat down. His voice matched his face; it was beautiful.

"Hi." My voice was the farthest from his. It was mean, cold and harsh. Just the way it should be. I continued doodle and tried to ignore him as much as possible. A task so simple was hard. I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face, daring me to look at him. And I did.

"You're Isabella?" It sounded more like an accusation than a question.

"I like Bella. You are?" I asked. I was irritated. More at myself than him though. Why was I still talking to him?

"Edward; Edward Cullen." He replied. I nodded my head but didn't answer.

"So Bella, what's you're story?" Really? He was really asking me this? I glared at him, but again, he just looked curious.

"I don't have one." There. Ha, how can you keep this conversation going now?

"Well then, I should fill you in on mine. My name is Edward, like I said before, but I was Edward Mason back 5 years ago. My mother Elizabeth and my father Edward Sr. were both in a car accident. My dad died and my mom died 5 years later. Then Carlisle and Esme adopted me and welcomed me into their family with open arms. My favourite colour is brown, I want to be a musician when I grow up and I love baseball." He looked at me with a crooked smile. I swear I literally melted on the spot.

"Class! Sorry I'm late." Mr. Banner walked in the room. He looked at Edward and smiled.

"I'd like you to meet our new student Edward Cullen." He said. Edward smiled and looked around the room.

"Hey Edward! Come sit with me! Leave Isabella alone. She likes to be alone; it's why she killed her family." Mike Newton shouted across the room. My face heated and angry tears flooded into my eyes. I looked at Edward. He wasn't looking at me, he was _glaring _at Mike.

"Mr. Newton! Enough! Remarks like that will not be tolerated in this classroom! That goes for all of you. Apologize to Isabella now. And then I want you in the office." Mr. Banner said.

"Sorry Swan." He smirked and then strolled out of the classroom. The classroom was silent for a couple of minutes, and everyone was looking at me.

"Class, open your textbooks and turn to page 17." He said. He continued the lesson and Edward didn't say anything to me. The bell rang, I gathered my books and was about to flee the classroom. An arm shot out and grabbed me.

"Everyone has a story. I'll be here when you decide to tell me yours. See you next class." He gave me another crooked grin and walked out. And so, Edward Cullen left me standing in a classroom with my eyebrows furrowed and jaw open.

Maybe it was because of me little social experience. Maybe Edward Cullen was just plain crazy. But either way, I was not expecting him to show up at my house the next morning.

"Need a ride?" He smirked, threw open the passenger door and went back in the car.

I wasn't planning on getting in, I really wasn't. But I did. I threw my bag in the back seat and slammed the door shut. We drove to school in a comfortable silence. Until he broke it.

"So Bella, tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Your story."

"What makes you so sure that I even have one?"

"Are you telling me you don't?" He replied. I bit my lip and looked at the passing trees. After a while he smirked.

"That's what I thought. One day, one day soon you'll eventually have to tell me."

"Make me."

"That's what I plan on doing."

We pulled up to school and suddenly I was nervous. People would talk. This would not go by unnoticed. I mean, really? A girl, who hasn't had any social interaction within the past year, suddenly confides in the new boy. I can see it now, the whispers and pointing. And bam! Suddenly we're the latest story.

Edward must've noticed my silence. That or he saw the faint sheen of sweat surface on my forehead. His hand whipped up and grabbed mine; he squeezed tightly for a moment before fixing his gaze on me. His eyes lured me in and again, I was mesmerized.

"You'll be fine Bella." He got out of the car and went to open my door for me. And I realized 3 things when his hand touched mine.

One: Edward was very perceptive. He saw things that others didn't. And I think he was observing a lot about me; Far more than I'm comfortable with. I'd have to be cautious around him, with what I say and do. If he knows the story about me, the one the whole town knows, he hasn't shown it. And if he really hasn't he'll be running away from me within seconds.

Two: There was a part of him, and I didn't know how dominant that part might be, that thirsted to know more about me. And I liked that. As secretive as I was, under all the facades, I liked the fact that someone in the world deemed me as interesting. That someone had taken the time to think about me, really think about me. That someone thought of me this morning and decided to offer me a ride. That someone was offering a much needed friendship. And it made me happy. For once in a long time, I was considerately happy.

And third: I was irrevocably interested in him. I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to know what his favourite colour was, his pet peeves, his favourite food and movie. I wanted to know it all. I wanted to know his whole story as much as he wanted to know mine. That scared me and thrilled me at the same time.

"Bella?" Edward called. He looked at me worriedly. I gave him my most convincing smile and took his outstretched hand as he helped me out of the car.

"I'm fine. But everyone's whispering and looking. It's a little uncomfortable." I said.

Edward looked around, noticing for the first time. It was true though. Everyone was looking, pointing and whispering to their friends. I expected his to be shaken at least, but he seemed unfazed.

"Don't worry about them. They're just jealous that I have the pleasure of being in your company." He said. My face heated and I smiled. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we walked into school. The morning was the same as usual, except I had to dodge the whispers and stares of my classmates. By lunch I was irritated. To tell you the truth, I think it was better when everyone avoided and ignored me. Edward met me outside of class and we walked into the cafeteria.

"Sit with me and my family?" He asked. I nodded; thankful I wouldn't have to go through the stares alone.

We bought our lunch and walked over to his lunch table.

"Looks like Eddie brought a friend to join us! Hi, I'm Emmett Cullen, Edward's brother." A boy with dimples and curly hair stuck his hand out to me. Boy, he was huge! I wouldn't want to see him in a dark alley way. I shook his hand.

"I'm Bella." I said shyly.

"Well Bella, it's nice to meet you." He shot me a dimpled smile and I found myself smiling in return. The girl next to him made a choking sound and we all turned to her. She was beautiful. Your typical blonde hair and blue eyed goddess, but she had a glow; a confidence surrounding her that made her all the more gorgeous.

"You okay?" Emmett asked her.

"Yeah, I choked on my salad." She responded while sending a glare my way. It was evident what her stare meant; mine.

"Well, we're all being rude. I'm Alice Cullen and this is Jasper Hale. It's nice to finally meet you Bella."

"It's nice to meet you too."

"Don't mind Rosalie, she's always rude." Alice glared at her. Rosalie glared back. Jasper cleared his throat and welcomed me as well.

"So Bella, where are you from? Have you always lived here?" Rosalie asked. Everyone turned to me. I fidgeted in response.

"Rosalie." Edward cautioned and looked over to me.

"It's okay. Um, I-I lived in Phoenix before. I came here three years ago."

"You don't look very tan." She accused.

"Yeah, I guess I'm part albino." I laughed. No one laughed with me, but Edward smiled at my lame attempt of humour.

"I guess being a comedian out of the picture." Edward said. I hit my knee and pretended to be disappointed.

"Well darn, that was always my life's ambition. I guess its back to being a star athlete." I shrugged my shoulders.

Lunch wasn't that bad. And now I was off to finish the rest of the day. Hopefully it would be better than the morning.

Edward waved as he drove away from my house. He'd promised he would pick me up the next morning.

I walked in the house and was met with emptiness. Again, I was alone. I finished my homework and ate dinner in front of the T.V. The phone started ringing at around 8.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Edward? What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing Bella, I'm just lonely. Can you meet me at the park in around fifteen minutes?" He asked. I looked at the clock again. Why not? I was lonely too.

"Sure."

**A/N: I hoped you all liked this chapter! I know this is kinda going slow, but I need to show Bella and Edward's progression slowly in order for the changes to be evident in the upcoming chapters. I hope that makes sense lol. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, real life has been busy. I'll try to get the next update up soon, but I have an upcoming project I need to work one ****I will usually try to post on weekends, so keep your eyes open. I know this story seems confusing right now, but keep reading and it will soon make sense! Please leave me some love and review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, everything else belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Don't sue me please. **

BPOV: Late Night Therapy and Discomforting Comfort

I'd like to say that meeting up with Edward wasn't a daily occurrence. But, if I did I'd be a liar. I depended on our nightly meetings almost as much as I depended on him picking me up every morning and seeing him throughout the day. As much as it scares me, I've become dependant on him. I've become _too_ dependant. But I couldn't help it. He'd inserted himself into my life. It hadn't been long since his first day of school. It had been 4 days since I first saw him. When we went to school the stares and whispers were obvious. At first, it was a lot of people. But the rest of the school thought he'd taken pity on me and wouldn't talk to me again. I was one of those people. We were wrong.

Now the whole school had turned their attention to us. I tried to get Edward to stay away from me, but that didn't work either.

"You know, it's unhealthy to spend all of your time with me." I casually said as he drove us to school this morning.

"You know it's unhealthy to spend all of your time by yourself." It was always like this, witty banter thrown back and forth. And like always, Edward Cullen never loses.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Acting like this isn't strange!" I shook my head.

"How is this strange, Bella?"

"Uh, let me see…your first day of school is spent studying the high school outcast. And instead of avoiding her like the plague, you befriend her; even though you know nothing about her! Then you won't leave her alone." I huffed in annoyance. _What if I'm doing this for your own good?_ Edward shot a glance my way.

"This isn't strange Bella. This is me simply making friends. If you weren't avoided like the plague, then maybe you'd realize this."

"Why me though? It could've been anyone else and yet you choose me."

"The way I see it, you were a perfectly random stranger who caught my interest and someone who I'd want to be friends with." He smiled, "I don't see how that's so weird."

I bit my lip, "But…haven't you heard? Um, I mean…" I stuttered. I didn't want to say it out loud. If he had heard anything, he'd certainly know what I was talking about. He held my gaze for a while before turning it back to the road.

"I didn't ask for all of the rumours. I'm just asking for Bella."

That was the last time since we'd brought up my past. But I knew that Edward was hiding something. Beneath the façade he held was a sense of pain. He'd gone through more than he was willing to let on. Maybe that's why he found me so interesting. We were the results of the harsh and unfair universe. I had a messed up past…and maybe he did too.

We were driving home from school when Edward mentioned the weekend.

"Well, are you doing anything?" He asked.

"Um, no. Why?"

"Would you like to come to my house for dinner?"

* * *

"I can't believe I agreed to this." I huffed and smoothed out my shirt.

"Bella, you'll be fine." He laughed as he held out the passenger door.

"What do you mean fine? We haven't even…" He shut the door before I could finish. I rolled my eyes. He got in the car and fumbled with the radio. "We haven't even known each other for two weeks before you drag me to your house."

"First of all, the term 'drag' isn't correct. If I was dragging you there you'd be going against your will. If I remember correctly; you agreed to this." He smirked. I huffed but said nothing. I didn't know where the Cullens lived. It was an unspoken mystery. I don't think anyone knew. The forest was just blurs of green and brown as we flew past it.

"What? Now you're giving me the silent treatment?" He asked. I ignored him and stared out the window. After a few minutes of sitting in silence we approached a huge house. And by huge, I mean massive. It was gorgeous. There were windows everywhere with sunlight streaming in. We pulled up to the house and got out.

"Do you like it?" He looked at me and smiled.

"Impressive." I said. He pulled me along and we entered the house. The inside was more beautiful than the outside. It was sunny, warm and just plain comforting.

"It's beautiful." I said. There were family pictures scattered on the wall. It was clear they were close.

Edward hummed in agreement. "My mother is an interior designer." He took my coat and led me throughout the house. "Here's the family room, the dining room, balcony and the kitchen." Just then two people walked in.

"Hello Edward. And you must be Bella! We were so excited to meet you!" The woman said. She was lovely. She had pale skin, hazel eyes and caramel coloured hair. The man beside her smiled. "Hello Bella. It's nice to meet you; Edward here can't stop talking about you. I'm Carlisle."

Edward and I laughed nervously. "I hope all good things." Just then Edward's brothers and sisters piled in the room. I hadn't really talked to them when we ate with them at school. I nodded in the right places and laughed when appropriate, but other than that I made no move to talk. I was too nervous. They are the example of perfection. Their pictures should be put beside the definition of beautiful. Then there was me; mousy and plain Bella. I didn't understand their fascination with me. But then again, I didn't understand most people.

"Bella! We figured he'd bring you around here some time or another." Emmett threw his arm around me and laughed. I blushed and casually lifted his arm off me. I liked my personal space.

"Why is that?" I asked. Emmett was about to say something when Rosalie smacked the back of his head. He looked at me and then to Edward and snapped his mouth shut. He still had a smirk on his face though.

"What? What is it?" I looked around but nobody said anything. "Hello?"

"Nothing; never mind." Emmett finally said.

"So Bella, since you're probably going to be here more often, want to hang out on Saturday?" Rosalie asked. Alice jumped up and down, clapped her hands and let out a high pitched squeal.

"Oh Bella! We can go to the mall! Please?" She asked and gave me the puppy dog face.

"I don't know Alice…I'm not usually a shopper. It's too crowded and noisy."

"How to you get your clothes then?"

"Um, most of it is old and my mom bought me the rest. If I really need something I'll buy it online. I don't think I've been to the mall since I was…what? Fifteen or sixteen?" I rambled.

Alice gasped in horror and her hand flew to her mouth.

"What? It's not that big of a deal."

"Of course it is! There's new stores, new renovations! It's a teenager experience you _can't _miss! We'll take you to the one in Port Angeles and then go to this amazing Italian restaurant for dinner."

"I don't know Alice…"

"Aw c'mon Bella, please?" She whined and pouted.

"You don't have to tell us now." Rosalie said. I guess it sounded nice just to have a day with the girls. But what if they don't like me? I haven't really put much effort into having a friendship with them. Why are they asking me anyway?

"I'll get back to you." I tried to smile but I'm sure it ended up as a grimace. Alice and Rosalie grinned.

"Well, I'm going to take Bella upstairs for the rest of the tour. Carlisle, Esme, can you make sure they don't follow us and harass Bella even more?" Edward asked. Carlisle and Esme chuckled and nodded. Edward grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs. "I'm sorry about them. You don't need to go if you really don't want to."

"It's okay. I just need to think about it." I assured him. We went upstairs and he showed me the bathrooms and his siblings' rooms. We finally ended up in his room. It was modern and clean; nothing you would expect from a seventeen year old boy. He had a bed in the middle of the room and the wall beside the door had a plasma screen T.V. Shelves stacked with CDs lined the other wall. He had no pictures and no posters. The wall behind his bed was just made of glass panes. He had two doors that would open, but there was no balcony.

I walked to the shelves and looked at his CDs. There was no particular order to them, but he had everything from classical music to rock. "It's not what I expected it to be." I said, interrupting the silence. He gave me a puzzled look.

"What? My room or my family?"

"Both." I answered. I glided my fingers over to titles. "So many CDs." I murmured.

"Why do you call your mom and dad Carlisle and Esme?" I remember it being odd, and his parents didn't seem bothered by it.

"Because I'm adopted." He replied. I remembered our previous conversations, and he had talked about his past. But I didn't expect his to delve in it with me.

"We all are. I had been the first to become a part of their family. My father died in a car accident when I was two. My mother had been diagnosed with depression soon after he died. Carlisle was her doctor. When she was diagnosed with depression, she talked to Carlisle. She said if anything were to happen to her, he had to take care of me. "Help him Carlisle. He adores you already. Help him, care for him, and love him…please." She said. But when I was five he was transferred to a new hospital and he and Esme had to move away. My mother got a new doctor. We were okay for awhile. She took her meds and seemed reasonably happy. She died in her sleep when I was seven. No one ever figured out why. Soon I was put through the foster care system. Carlisle had searched for me as soon as he heard my mother died. But I was in Seattle by the time he came back to Chicago. No one would tell him any information so he hired a private detective. He was determined to keep his promise to her. He found me soon after and adopted me. He and Esme had been my parents ever since. When I asked how my mother died, Carlisle said she had a broken heart that was too shattered to mend. He told me she could only hold on for so long. She wanted to stay for me. It felt wrong to call them 'mom' and 'dad' after that. They respected my wishes and didn't seem offended at all." He soon finished. I didn't know what to say to that. But Edward looked so far away. His eyes were glazed over; like he was living it again. I shook his shoulder gently. He blinked a couple times.

"Sorry, I zoned out." He looked at me and gave me a small smile.

"I'm really sorry Edward. I didn't know." After sitting beside each other in silence for a few minutes I asked, "What about the others?"

"Those are their stories to tell. Maybe they'll tell you one day, if you ask. C'mon, I think dinner is done."

We walked down the stares and went to the dining room.

"There you two are! I was just about to call you for dinner. She bent down and pulled out a roast chicken from the oven. She smothered it in gravy and added vegetables.

"This looks amazing Esme." I said.

"Thank you dear. Let's all sit down and eat." We all did as we were told and dug in. The food was amazing. By my third plate I was patting my stomach and waiting for the others to finish. I looked across from me and saw Edward finishing. He caught my eye and smiled. Maybe now, knowing his story I'd understand. Or try to put more of an effort to understand. He'd lost both of his parents, like me. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't put myself in his shoes. Why hadn't he believed the rumours? For all he knew I could be crazy.

After dinner we all hung out in the family room and watched a couple movies before I left. I laughed and smiled and finally had a good time. I was truly happy; I had forgotten what it was like to have a family. On my way out I was hugged, kissed and assured that I was welcome anytime. Alice and Rosalie made sure I would give them my answer soon and then Edward and I were off. And finally, I knew I was loved…but I wasn't sure how long that would last if I told them the truth.

**A/N: I'm so sorry it took me so long to shoot this chapter out! As always, I blame it on school. Summer is coming up so don't worry; chapters will be longer and come out more often. So there you have it guys. We've finally dug deeper into Edward's past. Please make my day and leave me some love by clicking that button that says 'review'! :D **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot; everything else belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Don't sue me please. **

BPOV: What is the reason, if there is one?

I took a deep breath before typing in the numbers that were scrawled on the piece of paper she gave me. "Call anytime, I'd really like to know if it's a yes." She had said before telling me goodbye. I was waiting nervously twirling a piece of my hair.

"Alice Cullen speaking." She said. I breathed into the phone and looked up at the ceiling. Did I really want to do this? Alice waited for a while before speaking.

"Whoever this is, I really don't have time to listen to your freaky Darth Vader breathing. If you really have something to say, talk. Otherwise, don't call me again." Before she could hang up on me I spoke up.

"Alice! Don't hang up, it's Bella." I took another deep breath. My last therapist said to breathe deeply on the verge of hysteria.

"Bella?" She was shocked but then again, why wouldn't she be? "Oh! It's great that you called! So are you coming with us on Saturday?"

"Er, um…yeah I guess. It will be good to you know…get out." I finished lamely. _Great, I sound like I haven't seen daylight. _

"Awesome! We have to go to this new store-oh! After we eat we can go to the boutiques in Port Angeles! Bella, I found this great little store the other day, it will be perfect for you. There's this top that I saw there that…" She rambled. I hummed and said 'oh' when she paused, but I was hardly registered anything. That girl talked faster that a 5 year old drinking Red Bull.

After 15 minutes of her chatting my ear off, she said she had to go.

"So, Rose and I will pick you up tomorrow around 11:00?" She asked.

"That sounds great Alice. I'll…see you tomorrow?"

"Okay, bye Bella!" She hung up before I could say goodbye.

After I called Alice I went up to my room and decided to write. My therapist said it might calm me down. Strangely, after being her patient for a year, this was the only thing she got right. Writing just came to me. I wasn't the most eloquent speaker, so this was the way she wanted me to express my thoughts, feelings, etc. I soon found my passion. I went from writing in a diary format to writing a full blown novel. And I was happy while doing it. When I wrote, suddenly it was like the problems I was going through weren't _mine _anymore. I wasn't Bella Swan because in that moment, I could be whoever I wanted to be. Suddenly I was transported into another world, with new people and new experiences ahead of me. Before the Cullens had come along, it was my escape. I wasn't stuck in Forks with the rumours and facades. I was someone entirely different. And I loved it; I revelled in it. I decided today I would write in my diary, I had to let some of my own thoughts out. I opened my drawer and reached in for the dark blue leather journal. My mother had given it to me for my 15th birthday. Before my therapist had suggested writing, my mother did. She said I thought too much and realized that this would be perfect for me. My heart gave a tug whenever I saw it. I had been writing extremely small lately, there were hardly any pages left. I scribbled in notes or thoughts wherever there was space. I wasn't ready to get a new one just yet.

_Dear Diary, _

_I called Alice Cullen today. She's the sister of Edward. She and Rosalie had invited me to the mall when I was at their house for dinner. Yes, I know the __mall__. I don't know if I'm going to be okay, but I decided it's time to take a risk for once instead of playing it safe. I'm being surrounded by good people who are sincere and kind. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I had made my fair share of sarcastic remarks with them at lunch and always look to see if they're offended. They just take it all in and laugh. I'm always on the edge of my seat with them; especially Edward. Most of the time I'm scared that if I do something wrong, he'll finally see how destroyed I am. He'll be running in the opposite direction once he does see, I'm sure of it. _

_I had myself convinced when I first met Edward that we would be nothing more than biology partners. We wouldn't talk or even be considered acquaintances. I was okay with that. But now…now everything is different. I can't imagine not being friends with him or his family. It's impossible to bear. For that I fear him. I fear his friendship, his concern and his kind words. I fear Alice with her trustfulness, happiness and bubbly personality. I fear Emmett, with his brotherly instincts, friendliness and comforting hugs. I fear Rosalie, with her bluntness, protectiveness and beauty. And I fear Jasper, with his awareness, thoughtfulness and wise advice. _

_I fear them all. But I fear myself more than any of them. Because I might destroy them; I might destroy the only good thing in my life. They're like angels living on Earth. And to destroy, hurt and defy an angel would be too much to handle. Let alone a whole family of them. _

_Bella_

I set down the pen on my desk and read what I had written, then tucked away the journal back into the drawer. I looked underneath my bed and found my box. It was one of my most precious belongings. It was wooden and had my name carved into it with swans embellished all around it. I opened the lid delicately. When I was little, my Grandma Marie had given me this box. I closed my eyes and re-lived the memory.

"_Bella, happy birthday baby girl!" Grandma Marie pulled me up onto her lap like a baby. I wasn't a baby anymore though! I was five, I was a big girl. I had told her so. _

"_Sorry my Bella. I just miss you." She had replied. I bit down on my tongue. This made me feel sad. I didn't see her much, only on my birthday and on special occasions. I didn't mean to make her feel bad. Instead of hopping off her lap like she expected me to, I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her. _

"_I missed you too." I whispered. I felt her smile. _

"_I brought something for you." She handed me a gift wrapped in pink paper with a purple bow on top. _

"_Thanks Grandma." I moved off her lap and was going to put it on the table where my other gifts were._

"_Where are you going with that? Come here and open it." She said grinning at me. _

"_But, Mommy said I have to put all my gifts there. She said I wasn't allowed to open them just yet." I protested. Mommy would get mad, that wasn't a good thing. _

"_That's okay baby girl. This time is an exception. If Mommy get's mad at you, I'll take the blame." I looked at her worriedly. _

"_Well, if you say so." I sat back in her lap and carefully opened my present. I didn't like it when people tore the paper off. The person obviously worked hard to wrap it, so why would you ruin it? _

_Beneath all of the wrapping paper, I found a wooden box. It had my name carved on it with swans all around it. It was beautiful. _

"_I love it." I said and ran my fingers over it. _

"_It used to be mine. But I thought this would be perfect for you, so I got your name carved on it. It's to hold all of your memories, pictures, and notes, whatever you like. I filled it with things that reminded me of Grandpa." She explained. I took that moment to study her face. She aged well unlike other people's Grandparents. She looked graceful but tired, worn down. I was scared of breaking her. _

"_But why did you give it to me if it was stored with your memories?" I asked. _

"_Don't you worry about that; I've got my most important ones stored in here." She tapped her forehead. "I'm going soon Bella. I thought I should tell you this. I stored pictures of us in here, and inside there's a letter too. I want you to read it on your wedding day. But don't tell anyone I'm going soon, I don't want them to worry okay?" She held out her pinkie and I wrapped my own around hers. _

"_Of course. But won't they see you go home?" I asked, confused. She shook her head. _

"_No baby girl." I spent the rest of the night with her and 2 months later, we received the letter from her retirement home. She had finally gone home. _

I opened my eyes and looked down at the box. I work hard to remember all of the memories I shared with my family. But it was hard, I didn't know things were going to happen the way they did, so I didn't pay attention to most things. But on the days that I did remember, I jotted down every single detail and stored it in here.

I reached in and grabbed the picture I was looking for. I looked at it and smiled. It was a picture of my and both of my grandparents, sitting on the porch in the summer and sipping lemonade. I can't remember who took the picture, but they caught us at a good moment. Grandpa and Grandma were holding each other's hands and gazing down at me while grinning. My head was thrown up looking at them while laughing at something. These were the memories that I needed but lacked. It frustrated me that I couldn't remember anything. It was like seeing with mud in your eyes. It was blurry, you could see _something_, but the blurriness was preventing you from seeing it all. Sometimes I would get glimpses of memories from when I was a kid, but as soon as I saw it, it disappeared. I tried to remember so hard, my head would start pounding. But it was worth it for every memory that I did manage to salvage.

I placed the picture back in when I saw the article. I knew it was there, it always was. But that didn't stop the pain from coming and leaving me a sobbing mess on the floor. I didn't have to look at it, nor did I have to read it. I had looked at it enough times to know what was on that paper. That was the only thing tainting my precious memory box. But I couldn't let myself throw it out, I couldn't let myself forget.

I closed the box with a click and slid it back under my bed. I stayed like that for a while, just lying on my bedroom floor. I stared up at the ceiling and wondered. How did it become like this? What happened to that little girl who believed in everything and anything? I remember singing and dancing in the kitchen with my dad. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine! You make me happy, when skies are grey!"

I remember who I used to be. I was like sunshine, the optimist. I thought about the future and embraced it, knowing there were thousands of possibilities of what my life would turn out like. A doctor, a teacher, a writer; I could be anything. The world was right in front of me and I just had to leap up and take it. The thing I lacked now was the thing I had the most of when I was little…happiness. I looked back on the past few weeks and smiled. The Cullens provided me with the little happiness I had. Maybe this was a sign of some sort? I thought back to my mother when she had gone into her spiritual phase. "Everything happens for a reason Bella. The places you visit, the people you meet, and the person you become. It's all apart of the bigger picture. And when really good things happen to you…you know it was sent your way because of a reason."

"What about the bad things?" I murmured to myself. I had asked her this but she never gave me a straight answer.

"You don't need to worry about that Bella. You're a good girl and good people always get good karma." But like most times, Mom was wrong. Good people sometimes get bad karma for no reason at all. Maybe it was fate taking course. Or maybe it was the universe's way of getting revenge on the human race. There were so many bad people in the world, doing horrible things. Maybe this was revenge and good people just got caught in the middle of it? What was the reason my Mom was talking about? Was it fate? Maybe even she didn't know. But the more I sat there, the more agitated I got. There has to be a reason, maybe I'm just not seeing it. I called the person I knew could figure it out. If he couldn't than no one could.

"Hello?" He answered on the first ring. "Bella?"

"Why do bad things happen to good people?" I asked, not bothering to say hello. We sat on the phone for a couple of minutes in silence. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

"Honestly?" He asked. I nodded my head but realized he couldn't see me. I hummed in agreement instead.

"I don't know. All I know is that sometimes, good things do happen to good people. But bad things happen to good people as well. We just have a thing called fate. It's cruel and horrid, but we do have it. Sometimes people go through traumatic events in their life to move onto something bigger and better. Maybe without the bad, the good will never come." He replied. I sniffled.

"But what if that person can't overcome the bad the get to the good?" What if I never could?

"Then they would need some help. They would need to be surrounded by hope and love and know that there are other people waiting for them to get to the good as well." That's all I needed to hear.

"Goodnight Edward." I said.

"Goodnight Bella." I liked the fact that he knew it was me before I even said a word. Maybe he was hoping it would be me. Because every time my phone rings, I'm hoping it will be him too.

I picked myself off the floor and wiped the tears off my face. I changed into my pj's and tucked myself in. There was a window right beside my bed. I kept it locked at all times of course, and I had shutters installed over it, just in case. But sometimes I open the shutters and look up at the stars. I let my thoughts wander and roam. I closed my eyes and just listened. I forced myself to do this when I was thinking too much. Sometimes all I needed was just a moment of peace and quiet. Tonight I needed the peace, but it also made me sad too. I couldn't hear my Dad watching baseball downstairs anymore, I couldn't hear my Mom making herbal tea for both of them; I couldn't hear anything going on downstairs. It reminded me that I was alone. But then I thought of the Cullens and smiled once again. Yes, I was alone in this house and at this moment, but I wasn't alone in the world.

I tried to think of what would happen when I told them my story, the true one. Not the one that my classmate, the news or even the police made up. I would tell them the complete and honest truth because they deserved at least that. It was all that I could give them. It could go either ways. Either they listen or they completely freak out, tell me to get out of their house and avoid me like the plague. Or, they could support me and tell me that everything's okay. They will be there for me no matter what. I was hoping for the second one. It was only a matter of when I would tell them. I knew it would have to be soon, but I wasn't ready yet. If this was the only glimpse of happiness I would get, I want to relish in it just a little longer. I thought of them all, Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie. They were the closest thing I had to family right now and the closest thing I would probably ever have. I closed my eyes and I thought I could hear the faint whisper of my Grandma Marie's voice.

"The good is worth it in the end. Keep fighting."

I woke up by the faint knocking on my door. I got up and walked to the door. I looked through the peephole, it was Alice and Rosalie. I checked the clock but it was only 9 in the morning. I opened the door and squinted when the sunlight hit my face.

"Wake up sleepy head!" Alice smiled. I opened the door wider and they walked in.

"You're early." Was all I could muster.

"Well we thought it would be nice to spend the entire day together! It'll be soooo much fun! We're hardly away from the guys as it is." She grinned.

"Are you complaining?" Rosalie asked Alice. She then turned to me. "And by 'we' she means her." I nodded my head.

"Well go get changed! We're going out for breakfast." Alice said. I nodded again and ran upstairs. I pulled out a pair of my dark skinny jeans, an old band t-shirt, black ballet flats and my wallet. I brushed my hair, put it in a pony tail, brushed my teeth and went back down stairs. Before we left I grabbed my coat and we were out the door.

We were using Rosalie's red BMW today. I felt misplaced sitting in it; 2 gorgeous girls, a gorgeous car and 1 plain Bella. That wasn't strange at all. We were driving for a while and Alice informed me we were driving to Port Angeles. We were going there anyway, so why eat breakfast here? There was nothing good here anyways, she had told me. Rosalie pulled up to a quaint café. There were a few people inside, a couple business men on their laptops and a women typing furiously on her blackberry. There was a girl with acne problems and braces falling asleep on the counter.

"It's not even that early." Alice whispered to us. We nodded in agreement. Rosalie walked up to the counter and slammed her hand down. Everyone looked to us and I looked down and blushed. The girl woke up and looked fearfully at Rosalie. Rosalie smiled but it looked more like a sneer.

"Hi. Can we get two venti chai teas with soy milk, no water and no foam? Bella?" Rosalie and Alice looked at me. "I'll have the same."

Rosalie turned back to the girl. "Then we'll have three chocolate chip muffins and a fruit cup." The girl nodded and went to get our order. "One fruit cup?" I asked.

"They're huge." Rosalie and Alice said at the same time. The girl came back with our orders and we paid.

We sat in a booth beside the window. Rosalie smiled. We ate for a while in silence. I was still contemplating on when I would tell them, they needed to know. I looked outside and saw a couple of kids outside walking with two older women. They looked happy. The boy was holding the girls hand and she looked up at him and smiled. The women looked at them and grinned.

"Bella?" I looked away from the window and found Alice and Rosalie looking at me in concern.

"Are you okay?" They asked. I forced a smile and nodded my head.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"We've been calling your name for the past 5 minutes. Are you sure you are okay? You look like there's something on your mind…" Alice said. Rosalie decided just to be blunt.

"If there's something bothering you, we want to know. You can tell us anything." _You can tell us anything_. I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell them everything, but I needed to let them know _something_. Not without the whole family here; not without Edward.

"I'm fine, really. Where are we going to first?" I lied. Alice and Rosalie smiled.

"The mall." They said.

**A/N: So, this chapter basically wrote itself. This showed a look into Bella's true thoughts and past. I hope you liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it. A quick shout out to** **oXChelseyBunsXo** **for helping me find a mistake I made with the pervious chapters. Thanks you! And what do you guys think about Bella's diary entries? Should I continue with them? As always, please review! It will make me smile :)**


End file.
